I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
