Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
