using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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