i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Say something about gay babies.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
