We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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