Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
