Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize