he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
