You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
