so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
