Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
