I didn't shave. On purpose
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
