he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
