he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
