Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
