Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
