Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
