I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
