For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
