so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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