I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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