I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
