i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
