I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
