HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
