Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
