dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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