You tried to poop in the sink last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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