saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just googled if crying burns calories
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
