You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
