I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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