Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
