He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Randomize
