I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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