$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
