why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
