Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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