love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
