i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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