no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
