you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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