she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
