1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
