I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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