I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
