I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize