I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
