What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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