Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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