Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
