he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
