I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize