I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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