Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
