yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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