Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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