Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
