I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
