Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize