Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
