hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
