I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
