Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How does one acquire holy water?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
