so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
