How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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