I'm pants shitting drunk right now
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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