Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
