My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
