I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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