just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
