Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
