I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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