Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
