I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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