I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
