my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
