Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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