He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
