Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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