he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
