i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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