there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
