his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
