whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
