i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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