Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
