im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
