just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
